Showing Up
Your practice room is everywhere you are
One fine recent Wednesday, we were in Scott Perry’s1 community Zoom room. A somewhat larger than Brady-Bunch-sized gathering of faces and torsos. After his teaching, he opened the floor (so to speak) to questions or comments. After a moment of silence, he added, “Or bad jokes.”
I shrugged and said aloud to myself (still on mute), “I always have a bad joke.” Scott noticed my “silent” answer and suggested I might have something to share with the group.
Not sure what I was going to say, I reluctantly unmuted myself.
I led with an ice breaker: “Well, you know me, I always have a bad joke.”
In the moment after, as the half-joke landed, something came to me. I had felt it growing toward the end of the presentation. Then I just started talking.
It was gratitude for hearing that the work he was describing is a practice. That it takes repetitions, we will make mistakes, improvement comes from vulnerability, and that the courage required is an expression of our humanity.
I saw the others nodding their heads. Their response inspired me to keep going. Hesitantly, I admitted the resistance I often feel to taking the steps I know I should take.
Scott had introduced the mirror metaphor earlier in the presentation — the idea that when things aren’t going the way we’d like, it’s better to look in the mirror than out the window.2
I took his metaphor a step further. “When I sit here at my desk, seeing the gap between where I am and where I want to be, I can see that mirror on the wall right in front of me. Sometimes it’s not easy to look at.”
While Scott took a moment to consider his reply, I continued to imagine that mirror. He began by pointing out how we often respond to the mirror with shame and guilt. And then, something happened that I didn’t realize until he finished his answer.
I don’t remember what he said next.
I was looking in the mirror, and something made me look away.
When the next questioner came up, my attention came back to the room, and I put myself back on mute (Zoom etiquette).
Where had I been? Not with shame and guilt, but certainly discomfort, and perhaps some anxiety – all too aware of the gap between where I am and where I want to be. And imagining who I will need to become to close that gap.
Fortunately, I have these notes from Scott’s presentation to guide me:
You can’t fake curiosity and you can’t manufacture non-attachment. But you can practice both until they become the only natural way you show up.3
The last question came from a fellow musician. He’s dealing with the same resistance I am. In spite of that, he showed up, took himself off mute, and asked his question.
During Scott’s response, I saw the others nodding their heads. Again, as they had for me, and for the others who spoke up.
We all have those things we want to do that scare us. We feel resistance. And when we look at the mirror, we see ourselves.
It may not be easy, but it’s better than looking out the window.
If you’re ready to reimagine your own practice, reach out — I’d love to talk.
Scott Perry’s Substack, Creative on Purpose
Scott’s latest book, Intrepid; Question #1, Page 3
Personal notes from Scott’s presentation series on his forthcoming book on “Be a Blessing Marketing”
What a beautiful post. The shame piece is a big one for me, too, with my marketing. It's something I've only recognized recently. It'd been running the show for a decade ?? More than that I think.
I wonder what might change now that I can see it. I am hoping recognizing the shame is a bigger step than we may realize. I also wonder it's there with your students. In fact that's what helped me see my shame -- it was through what my students were saying and the marketing they were receiving. I realized that just like them I was being kept in my shame by algorithms and targeted ads, just as they were with their English learning and sense of not progressing enough. I learned these tricks when I helped people for a minute as a health coach - bc the diet industry feeds on people stuck in shame. But I didn't realize I was in it until maybe 1 month ago. How long have you been aware of the shame for you? Do you see it in your students, too?
Thank you so much for sharing this and I look forward to hearing more if you feel like continuing to write about it. I have been toying with the idea of writing about it, too, and you've helped make me want to. Thank you! See you!
great thoughts! A little more wistful than usual?